


Buss Down

by mattzerella_sticks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Ant-Man and Thanos - the Plan, Bets & Wagers, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bottom Thor (Marvel), Crack Treated Seriously, Embarrassed Steve Rogers, Everyone Loves and Appreciates Thor's Ass, Frustrated Bruce Banner, Funny, Inappropriate Humor, Laboratories, M/M, Post-Endgame, Sneaky Steve Rogers, Sneaky Tony Stark, Sneaky thor, Stressed Bruce Banner, Thor's Booty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 22:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18270278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattzerella_sticks/pseuds/mattzerella_sticks
Summary: Steve forgot the reason he went down to the labs, thoughts derailed after catching a glimpse of Thor's godly assets. Now he finds himself in league with a few others who have made it their mission to keep Thor's bottom up until a certain scientist can't take it anymore before turning green with envy.It's naughty... but it feels so nice. What's a Boy Scout like Steve to do?





	Buss Down

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by pictures of Chris Hemsworth busting out his booty every chance he gets, and the memes my friends and I keep sending each other about how we want Thanos to be defeated (it involves Ant-Man and an arrow...)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

            Steve walks into the lab to a strange sight. Thor, bent down within a cupboard, his ass pushed out as far as he can make it and his back arched like a smooth valley. He stares, hypnotized by the jiggle of Thor’s cheeks as he rummages around for something. Fingers snap near his ear, and that shocks him out of his trance. Grabbing for the source of the sound, Steve raises his fist. Steve only lowers it down when he realizes it was Tony who snapped.

            Tony winces, “Sorry, forgot that was a trigger…”

            He rolls his eyes, releasing Tony’s shirt from his grip. Steve can’t stay mad, his focus drawn back to the god of thunder.

            Tony snorts, taking him by the arm and leading him away. “Come on,” he says, “if you’re gonna stare at least do it without being a roadblock.”

            Steve blushes, ducking away to gape at him. “I wasn’t… I’m not –“

            “It’s okay, trust me,” Tony says, “We all do it.” They stop at Tony’s worktable, where others have gathered. Natasha, Wanda, Scott, and Sam have spread out across the surface, each gazing at the same spot.

            Steve’s breath stutters. “The hell? What are you all doing down here?”

            “Enjoying the show,” Natasha shrugs, holding the popcorn bowl out to him, shaking it, “Want some?” He pushes it back towards a waiting Scott, who crams a handful into his mouth. A few fall to the floor, but Scott barely notices as somehow Thor’s ass rises higher. Steve’s face flushes a splotchy red.

            “Guys,” Steve whispers harsh and commanding, “This is not okay. Thor’s our friend, we shouldn’t be… _ogling_ him like some painting on the side of a fighter plane!”

            “Wow,” Natasha says, “dated reference much?”

            “That’s not the point –“

            “Steve, chill,” Tony says, arm comfortingly coming to rest on his shoulders, “This is all for a good thing.”

            “…If you say Thor’s ass is the good thing, Tony, I swear –“

            “No, no – well, it is _a_ good thing, but… that’s not what I was talking about.” Suddenly, Tony’s eyes shift and scan the room as if Hydra would swarm in any second. He leans into Steve’s ear and tells him. “We’ve got a bet going on, about who can get Bruce to hulk out and do something about Thor.” Tony then nods his head over to the other scientist a few tables over.

            Steve hadn’t noticed Bruce was in the room at all, an embarrassing misstep given how aware he usually is. But as he takes him in now, Steve sees what Tony meant. While Bruce keeps his eyes glued to his research, his control over his other half is tenuous at best. He holds onto a beaker too tight, a spider web of cracks branching out from where his fingertips meet glass. His tan hands are streaked with green, shaking every few seconds.

            He looks back to Tony. “Why would you want to do that?”

            “Because Bruce has the _biggest_ crush on Thor.”

            This is news to only Steve, as everyone else barely bats an eye after Tony dropped that bit of information turning half his mind to dust. “What?”

            “Yeah, and he won’t do _anything_ about it even though Thor’s totally game,” Tony sighs, dipping his hand into the bowl for a few pieces of popcorn. “So I thought I’d help push things along by dangling Bruce’s favorite piece of our friend in front of his face – really, he should learn how to _not_ talk in his sleep if he’s gonna pass out here.”

            “But then what are all _they_ doing here?” Steve gestures to the rest of them. Wanda slaps his hand down when it blocks their view.

            Sam sighs, joining their conversation. “We all found out what Tony was doing at one point or another and offered to help, I mean… _any_ chance to watch Thor’s ass clap like it’s making thunder.”

            “And you turned it into a bet,” Steve says, pinching the space between his brows. He bites his lip, thinking about what he wants to say next. “Is it only you five involved?”

            “No,” Tony tells him, “There’s also Peter –“

            “Which one?”

            “Both. Quill’s been through the entire galaxy and hasn’t found an ass like Thor’s,” he says, “And what kind of pseudo-father figure would I be if I didn’t encourage Parker’s budding sexuality? I send them both pictures with every new task we give our thunder god.”

            “I seriously can’t believe all of you –“

            Before he could begin his lecture, Thor stands. All around him, the others whine as their sun sets. “I don’t think your phone was in there, Tony.” Steve notices Tony duck his hand, the one clutching said phone, behind the table. Thor notices him before he could reveal their friend’s trick. “Ah, Steve! What brings you down here?”

            Steve nearly answers him with the first thought that comes to mind. He screws his mouth shut before the words ‘your ass’ break free. Instead, he mumbles out between hard-pressed lips a non-committal grunt while he turns into a tomato.

            Thor skews his head to the side, concerned. Tony swoops in and saves Steve though. “He’s just here to hang out, aren’t you Cap?” Steve manages to nod without embarrassing himself. “And about my phone… maybe it’s in the next cabinet over?”

            “Are you sure?” Thor asks, “Maybe it’s somewhere else? I could search one of the shelves up –“

            A chorus of ‘No’ cuts him off, as if Steve and everyone else by Tony’s workstation was a holy choir. Thor’s mouth hangs, eyes darting between them all. Natasha steps in this time. “You know how short Tony is –“

            “Hey!”

            “He never reaches for anything on the shelves on his own, it’s much more likely he dropped it grabbing chemicals or wrenches or something.”

            Steve hides a snicker as Thor takes her suggestion seriously. Thor nods, “Yes, that makes sense. All right, I’ll check the next one.” Without prompting, Thor bends back down and resumes his search. Scott chokes on a piece of popcorn as his butt wiggles and bounces. Sam slaps his hand twice across Scott’s back to dislodge the kernel; Scott coughing it out onto the floor with the other discarded snack pieces.

            “Well,” Tony asks Steve, “you gonna pretend to have the moral high ground or admit you’re enjoying this as much as we are?”

            Steve glares at Thor’s ass as he tells Tony, “Shut up.”

            “See Cap, you’re no better than us!”

            He makes himself comfortable in the gutter, taking Tony’s stool for his own use and pecking at the remaining popcorn. Silence returns as Thor and his ass take center stage. Steve studies the defined curve, curious as to why he’s never noticed it before. All his life, he has appreciated the male form as well as the female one. And he had fully functioning vision – even better than most people’s because of the serum – so Steve _knew_ Thor was gorgeous. Like Cary Grant or Humphrey Bogart, but teeming with muscles and surrounded by a cloud of static that followed his wake. Steve assumed that Thor’s eyes were the most beautiful part of him, even now when they’re two different colors. He hadn’t accounted for his lower end. And maybe because it was never on display like it is now. The thin gym shorts leave nothing to the imagination, and Steve’s hand twitches as if to reach out.

            Tony presses himself against Steve’s back. “Hey,” he whispers, “pull yourself away for a sec and look at our friend, Mr. Incredible Self-Control.” Steve glances at Bruce from the corner of his eye, the scientist’s shoulders trembling now. Listening closely, he hears fabric ripping and Bruce muttering mantras. “Looks like I’ll be winning this one.”

            Steve sighs, “When did you all get so ass obsessed?”

            “We’ve always been like this,” Scott says, “I mean, don’t you remember our _first_ plan to defeat Thanos?”

            Shuddering, Steve recalls Clint’s idea and how he demonstrated it with an arrow and a watermelon. They all knew it was a lame attempt at a joke, but Scott seemed too into it at the time. When Thanos was ultimately defeated, Scott was slightly miffed Carol landed the final blow and his size-shifting abilities weren’t utilized the way he wanted.

            “This is insane…”

            “How so?”

            “I… I…” Steve falters, “I mean –“

            “Look, Steve, this isn’t even the craziest thing we’ve made Thor do,” Tony says, “Right guys?”

            They all meek out their assent. Scott tells him how he shrunk down and broke pipes every now and then so Thor could fix them, even if he had no knowledge of plumping. Wanda used her powers to untie Thor’s boots whenever Bruce was around – and sometimes when he wasn’t. Sam started yoga so he could show Thor, and together they would stretch and bend in the common room during Bruce’s breaks from his research. Natasha chose the simplest route, pulling up videos on YouTube and teaching him how to copy the dance moves.

            “I discovered his true namesake,” she chuckled, “Thor, God of the _Thunderthighs_.” The others laugh at her wordplay, Steve’s brow furrowing in aggravation.

            As much fun as it had been for everyone involved, Steve included, he couldn’t let the bet carry on any longer. Tearing his gaze from the Asgardian’s backside, he puffs his chest up switches into his leadership stance. “This ends _now_.”

            Tony ignores his order, clapping him on the shoulder. “Sorry, Steve, this goes on until Bruce claims that ass for himself.”

            In between his eye roll and withering sigh, Thor frees himself from the second cabinet. “It’s not there either…” he says, “Tony, where on Midgard could your phone possibly have hidden itself?”

            Like it's wont to do, Steve’s brain implements a set of actions without having had time to think it all through. Thor provided a great distraction, allowing him to sneak Tony’s phone out from his grip. Then, he dropped it to the floor, thankful that the casing absorbed any sound that might give him away. Steve kicked it a good ways away, watching it slide to a stop a few feet away from Bruce. The only one to notice this is the scientist himself, but with how tightly wound he already was he couldn’t say anything.

            Steve breaks apart from the group, pointing at the phone where it now rests. “Were you all blind this entire time?” he asks loudly, “It’s right over there!” They all turn to where he gestures, startled by his statement. Tony checks his hand, glaring at how empty it was.

            Thor breaks out into a smile, “Steve! You prove yourself the sharpest amongst us once more!” He thanks him for the compliment, following Thor over to Tony’s phone.

            Corralling him so that his backside faces Bruce, Steve nods at Thor, “If you will.”

            Thor bends down. However, as he does so, Steve hooks two fingers into the waistband of his shorts and tugs. Only after he glimpses the forbidden skin does he realize what a bad idea this was. Especially once he sees Thor forwent underwear that day.

            A cacophony of sound surges over him, from Thor’s gasp as the cold air hits his skin to the cry from the peanut gallery at the sight they were treated to. Over it all, however, is the distinct shredding of clothing. Everyone, including Thor, whip over to Bruce. His glasses lie broken in front of him, and his lab coat’s sleeves tatter around his now broad shoulders. Bruce hadn’t turned fully green, but his verdant eyes complement the stripes of similar color highlighting where his veins were.

            “Bruce,” Thor says, fixing his shorts, “What are you… what’s going – _woah_!” Bruce lifts him over his shoulder, stalking out of the room with furious intent. “Bruce!” Thor shouts over his grunting, “Where are we going?”

            “Bedroom. _Now_.” Thor’s response remains unknown as the metal doors slide closed behind them, giving the two privacy. Steve watches them leave, sighing in contentment. His calm dissipates when he finds five faces glowering menacingly at him.

            “What?”

            “I can’t believe it,” Sam starts, “All it took was _mooning_ him?”

            “You’re not even in the pool!” Wanda shouts, fingers sparkling with red energy, “How much time and energy I spent untying _shoelaces_ –“

            “That was low, Steve,” Natasha says, “Even for you.”

            Scott kicks at the floor, slumping in on himself. “Now where am I going to look at an ass like his?”

            Tony let the others vent their pent up frustration before stepping forward. He reaches into his pocket and stuffs something into Steve’s hands. Upon closer inspection, he sees several folded bills. “I hope you’re happy Steve,” Tony says, “You can buy yourself lots of charcoal pencils with this allowance.” He whistles, rounding up his troupe and leading them away from the lab as well.

            Steve stays, still confused over what dominoes he knocked over.

**_Epilogue_ **

            He hasn’t left the Tower yet, going through paperwork Fury sent him from the rebuilt SHIELD compound upstate. Steve sits alone in the break room, rubbing at his tired eyes. There’s only so many times he can stare at numbers before his mind starts shutting down. He’s saved from his duties by the sound of a door opening nearby.

            “Hello Steve,” Thor greets, moving over to the Keurig to make some coffee, “What are you doing here so late?” He can’t speak; too shocked by how his friend wears nothing more than a fresh lab coat that hugs him tight in all the right places. Steve waves his tablet, communicating his tasks silently. Thor understands, smiling. “A leader’s job is never done I suppose. Wouldn’t you rather do this though from your apartment in Brooklyn?”

            Steve shrugs, clearing his throat. “Rather keep a work-life balance…” he says, voice hoarse from the tension.

            Thor chooses not to remark on Steve’s mood, grabbing a nearby mug and pouring his drink into it. All the while, Steve’s conscious harasses him for the terrible thing he did. Circles overhead, calling him names and saying he was no better than the others. He takes all he can until he breaks, when Thor pours sugar into his coffee.

            He apologizes, rushing out his words before they could stick to the roof of his mouth. When he finishes, he clamps his eyes shut and waits for Thor to verbally strike him with lightning. A long beat passes with nothing happened. Steve blinks his eyes open, finding Thor staring at him in confusion, sipping at his coffee.

            “Uh… what was all that?”

            “It was… I’m saying sorry,” Steve tells him, “For exposing your… _you know_.”

            Thor clucks his tongue, understanding. “Oh, you don’t have to apologize for that.”

            Steve splutters, features morphing to express his frustration. “What do you _mean_?”

            Setting his coffee down, Thor leans against the counter. “It was all a part of the bet wasn’t it?”

            “You knew about the bet?”

            “Of course I knew about the bet,” Thor chuckles, “You think I didn’t _notice_ everyone staring at me like the juiciest leg of mutton left on the banquet table?”

            “Then why… why did you –“

            “Go along with it all?” he says, “It’s not like I’m ashamed of my blessings. Plus I love the attention, especially from a certain nerdy scientist with anger issues…”

            “So you’re fine with all that happened?” Steve asks, “What I…”

            “I got what I wanted, and you won the bet,” Thor says, smirking, “All in a day’s work, I say.”

            The weight in Steve’s stomach still doesn’t sit right. He digs around for the money Tony gave him, pushing it across the breakfast table and over towards Thor. “You should have this, I don’t feel comfortable –“

            “Nonsense, Steve,” Thor says, “You won that fairly. To the victor belong the spoils.”

            “You deserve it though, for putting up with all of us.”

            Thor shoves the money back across towards Steve before walking over to the door. He pauses, glancing at him over his shoulder. “You should know me well enough by now that I don’t put up with anything I can’t _handle_. And like I said… I got everything I need from this.” He winks, leaving Steve alone in the break room once more.

            Steve sighs, staring at his dirty money. “I’ll give it to Bruce,” he decides, “He won’t turn down free money.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did you think this was booti-ful? I sure did.
> 
> Let me know what you think? Drop a comment/kudos below!


End file.
